Here we are in 2018, looking forward to a bright exciting year ahead, aren’t we?
Or maybe you’re still reflecting on 2017, on what you were grateful for, what you may have missed out on, the risks not taken, the chances that slipped past.
Some people say, “Don’t dwell on the past, don’t spend too much time there” and I understand some of their reasons, after all we can’t change what happened, and opportunities are now lost that we let slip by.
And yet, I believe there is value in spending a bit of time in the past. There, we can reflect, we can explore and we can learn. And for me there is a big difference in getting stuck there, regretting our decisions versus the growth and learning that can happen upon reflection there. In this place we can either grow or deplete our confidence.
As a business coach, many of my clients talk about how they would benefit from having more confidence. Often they think about what they would like to do but when it comes to taking action, suddenly their email becomes urgent, or they make a cup of tea or even the ironing becomes important!
I am sure you have your own version of this – I often find myself beside the kettle or even the cookie jar when that fluttering rises in my stomach, taking my focus away from what I should really be doing! Isn’t procrastination just an expression of a lack of confidence?
I googled the word confidence; it has many definitions and this is my favourite one:
“A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities”
I was immediately reminded of that fluttering sensation which often comes from an “I’m not good enough” feeling I took some time to do a bit of journaling around confidence and the lack of and how that has impacted me.
Many years ago when I worked in the financial sector, I was seconded from my office to London to deal with some pensions work as their “Pensions person” had left.
I was happy to do this for the work experience, travel to new places and meet new people. On arrival I was presented with a pile of work, some of which I could do and some I couldn’t.
I created two piles to go through with the office manager and started with what I couldn’t do. I’ll never forget his words:”I was told I was getting a pensions expert” he said. I was left feeling inadequate, incapable and wanting to get right back on the plane with any confidence I had shot to pieces.
I had never said I was an expert and had gone to help out, not realising the full scope of the position was beyond my knowledge and experience.
However I stayed and by the end of my three week secondment, the same manager wanted to keep me. I felt vindicated by that but whenever I hear the word expert, that shameful feeling of not being good enough still flows through my gut.
I have since come across a definition of expert that I love: “an expert is someone who knows more than the average person about a particular topic” so I was a pensions expert way back then!
And when I started public speaking sometimes I didn’t feel confident in my ability to convey a message in an easy to understand, simple way. As a manager of 300 people, I often found myself in the ladies room with my hairbrush and lipstick in hand as well as those butterflies in my tummy, more worried about my appearance than my message.
Would more confidence have helped me in these two very different situations?
I reflected on them both separately and surprisingly came up with the same conclusion!
In both situations, I was focussed on me, my inner feelings and my ability or lack of to deliver the expected results. I doubted my ability which left me feeling vulnerable, afraid and not good enough.
When I turned the situation around, and switched the focus to their needs and how I could support them in their situation that immediately cleared my mind and showed me how to help those that needed my expertise.
Confidence comes through competency, experience and putting service first. When you know your stuff, are good at what you do and put your clients needs first, confidence is never an issue.
It’s not to say we’ll never experience that ‘I’m not good enough’ feeling ever again.
However instead of focusing on how you’re feeling and what you can do to make yourself feel better, switch your attention to the people in front of you, think only of what they need from you and how you can deliver to them and that horrible gut wrenching feeling dissolves away and your confidence grows and grows.
Happy New Year from The Newly Confident Me!
Here we are in 2018, looking forward to a bright exciting year ahead, aren’t we?
Or maybe you’re still reflecting on 2017, on what you were grateful for, what you may have missed out on, the risks not taken, the chances that slipped past.
Some people say, “Don’t dwell on the past, don’t spend too much time there” and I understand some of their reasons, after all we can’t change what happened, and opportunities are now lost that we let slip by.
And yet, I believe there is value in spending a bit of time in the past. There, we can reflect, we can explore and we can learn. And for me there is a big difference in getting stuck there, regretting our decisions versus the growth and learning that can happen upon reflection there. In this place we can either grow or deplete our confidence.
As a business coach, many of my clients talk about how they would benefit from having more confidence. Often they think about what they would like to do but when it comes to taking action, suddenly their email becomes urgent, or they make a cup of tea or even the ironing becomes important!
I am sure you have your own version of this – I often find myself beside the kettle or even the cookie jar when that fluttering rises in my stomach, taking my focus away from what I should really be doing! Isn’t procrastination just an expression of a lack of confidence?
I googled the word confidence; it has many definitions and this is my favourite one:
“A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation
of one’s own abilities or qualities”
I was immediately reminded of that fluttering sensation which often comes from an “I’m not good enough” feeling I took some time to do a bit of journaling around confidence and the lack of and how that has impacted me.
Many years ago when I worked in the financial sector, I was seconded from my office to London to deal with some pensions work as their “Pensions person” had left.
I was happy to do this for the work experience, travel to new places and meet new people. On arrival I was presented with a pile of work, some of which I could do and some I couldn’t.
I created two piles to go through with the office manager and started with what I couldn’t do. I’ll never forget his words:”I was told I was getting a pensions expert” he said. I was left feeling inadequate, incapable and wanting to get right back on the plane with any confidence I had shot to pieces.
I had never said I was an expert and had gone to help out, not realising the full scope of the position was beyond my knowledge and experience.
However I stayed and by the end of my three week secondment, the same manager wanted to keep me. I felt vindicated by that but whenever I hear the word expert, that shameful feeling of not being good enough still flows through my gut.
I have since come across a definition of expert that I love: “an expert is someone who knows more than the average person about a particular topic” so I was a pensions expert way back then!
And when I started public speaking sometimes I didn’t feel confident in my ability to convey a message in an easy to understand, simple way. As a manager of 300 people, I often found myself in the ladies room with my hairbrush and lipstick in hand as well as those butterflies in my tummy, more worried about my appearance than my message.
Would more confidence have helped me in these two very different situations?
I reflected on them both separately and surprisingly came up with the same conclusion!
In both situations, I was focussed on me, my inner feelings and my ability or lack of to deliver the expected results. I doubted my ability which left me feeling vulnerable, afraid and not good enough.
When I turned the situation around, and switched the focus to their needs and how I could support them in their situation that immediately cleared my mind and showed me how to help those that needed my expertise.
Confidence comes through competency, experience and putting service first. When you know your stuff, are good at what you do and put your clients needs first, confidence is never an issue.
It’s not to say we’ll never experience that ‘I’m not good enough’ feeling ever again.
However instead of focusing on how you’re feeling and what you can do to make yourself feel better, switch your attention to the people in front of you, think only of what they need from you and how you can deliver to them and that horrible gut wrenching feeling dissolves away and your confidence grows and grows.
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