You know that feeling when someone is talking and it triggers something, a half remembered article you read, an event that happened sometime, maybe not even to you and it’s so relevant, so important that you just have to share it, right now?
You’re so desperate to share your story you barely wait for a pause, the speaker taking a breath is enough for you to rush into the space and enlighten everyone with what you have to say.
I’ve done it so many times, and I’ve watched it happen to me and in front of me so many, many times too.
And what happens when we are waiting for that pause, that chance to speak? We are putting our attention on what we want to say, we’re waiting for the gap that will allow us to rush in and shine our brilliance.
As Stephen Covey puts it so well, ‘we are listening with the intent to respond, not with the intent to understand.’ There’s a big difference there, think of it; compare a time when your intention was to respond versus another when you were actively listening to understand.
Did you know about Nelson Mandela’s childhood? Mandela was the son of a tribal chief considered to be a great leader, and as a boy, he would go along with his father when he was meeting the tribal elders. Everyone sat in a circle and Mandela observed his father always spoke last, except when he might ask a speaker to expand on their contribution to provide clarity on a particular issue.
As the last person to speak, he was able to consider all of the interests and views and weigh up everyone’s concerns before making any decisions.
How many of us have gone into a meeting where someone has stated the problem, offered their solution and asked for agreement. What a difference to truly consider the thoughts and ideas of everyone involved and give them the chance to be truly heard and feel truly valued.
Letting everyone speak first sounds easy to do – I bet it’s not. It’s a muscle that needs exercised to make it stronger and like most people, I need resilience to keep my mouth shut when I am desperate to share my wonderful story. Giving people the space to talk while truly listening is a gift that is seldom given.
I have attended many gatherings where the use of a talking stick, a tribal custom, gives the holder of the stick the freedom to speak, uninterrupted until they are finished. Once done when they relinquish the stick, returning it to the middle of the circle where it stays until someone else feels moved to pick it up and speak.
The story of Nelson Mandela’s father approach to council illustrates a new level of listening for me, I believe that to wait until everyone else has spoken is truly uplifting for all present.
I am going start listening until the person I’m with has finished speaking, I’m going to respect them fully by believing that all they say has value and accept it’s not just about me getting my share of airtime, to show what I know.
Life is give and take. In conversations, discussions and meetings, I’m going to give my time, effort and energy to listening and I think I’ll probably end up taking away more from the interaction than usual.
Interruption? No, I just had to say this!
You know that feeling when someone is talking and it triggers something, a half remembered article you read, an event that happened sometime, maybe not even to you and it’s so relevant, so important that you just have to share it, right now?
You’re so desperate to share your story you barely wait for a pause, the speaker taking a breath is enough for you to rush into the space and enlighten everyone with what you have to say.
I’ve done it so many times, and I’ve watched it happen to me and in front of me so many, many times too.
And what happens when we are waiting for that pause, that chance to speak? We are putting our attention on what we want to say, we’re waiting for the gap that will allow us to rush in and shine our brilliance.
As Stephen Covey puts it so well, ‘we are listening with the intent to respond, not with the intent to understand.’ There’s a big difference there, think of it; compare a time when your intention was to respond versus another when you were actively listening to understand.
Did you know about Nelson Mandela’s childhood? Mandela was the son of a tribal chief considered to be a great leader, and as a boy, he would go along with his father when he was meeting the tribal elders. Everyone sat in a circle and Mandela observed his father always spoke last, except when he might ask a speaker to expand on their contribution to provide clarity on a particular issue.
As the last person to speak, he was able to consider all of the interests and views and weigh up everyone’s concerns before making any decisions.
How many of us have gone into a meeting where someone has stated the problem, offered their solution and asked for agreement. What a difference to truly consider the thoughts and ideas of everyone involved and give them the chance to be truly heard and feel truly valued.
Letting everyone speak first sounds easy to do – I bet it’s not. It’s a muscle that needs exercised to make it stronger and like most people, I need resilience to keep my mouth shut when I am desperate to share my wonderful story. Giving people the space to talk while truly listening is a gift that is seldom given.
I have attended many gatherings where the use of a talking stick, a tribal custom, gives the holder of the stick the freedom to speak, uninterrupted until they are finished. Once done when they relinquish the stick, returning it to the middle of the circle where it stays until someone else feels moved to pick it up and speak.
The story of Nelson Mandela’s father approach to council illustrates a new level of listening for me, I believe that to wait until everyone else has spoken is truly uplifting for all present.
I am going start listening until the person I’m with has finished speaking, I’m going to respect them fully by believing that all they say has value and accept it’s not just about me getting my share of airtime, to show what I know.
Life is give and take. In conversations, discussions and meetings, I’m going to give my time, effort and energy to listening and I think I’ll probably end up taking away more from the interaction than usual.
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